Currently

loving:

my whimsical Christmas mug from Target. Seriously?! Is this not the cutest? When I saw this reindeer in the store, it made me smile. Now, every time I have a cup of Peppermint Mocha on a dreary gray wintery afternoon, it makes me smile again! 

reading: 

Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids With the Love of Jesus by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick
Make it Ahead by Ina Garten

waiting for: 

the big surprise (early Christmas gift) we have for the girls this week. I'm so excited about seeing the look on their faces when they realize what is going to happen. We're about to make some little girl dreams come true over here folks and it's going to be amazing! 

excited about:

the snow falling outside and the fact that everyone in our house is currently healthy and/or on the mend with antibiotics. That is a big victory for us this week. We are already weary of winter sickness and it is only December.

trying to: 
be really productive (blogging, list making and email writing) to complete my list of goals for the night in the next 30 minutes. Then, I can get over to the couch and curl up next to the Christmas lights with my guy to watch a few episodes of Blue Bloods. We are hooked! Side note: Can we just talk about how much Tom Selleck reminds me of my dad? I'm pretty sure I say it 237 times each episode.  I'm going to create a good split screen picture of the two of them for all of the skeptics.

working on:

plans for my baby's 5th birthday party. Wait...what?!?!?! It looks like it's going to be a Frozen dance party, which is totally Abby. It's going to be perfect.

enjoying:

Unwrapping the Greatest Gift: A Family Celebration of Christmas  

I can't say enough about the way this devotional is taking all of our hearts on a journey toward Jesus and Christmas. I want to buy it for everyone I know.

 

wearing: 

my She Reads Truth tee with a navy blue sweater and my pink and navy plaid scarf. Let's be real. I spent the day in my fleece pajamas cleaning the house and having dance parties with the girls. I got dressed forty five minutes before we planned to leave for dinner at a friends house, only to decide last minute that the roads were going to be bad and it was best to stay home. Yup. Got dressed for nothing. #rewearingcuteoutfittomorrow

planning:

menus for all the fun visitors and celebrations we are going to have here this month. So many decisions...

singing: 

Idina Menzel's new Christmas album and loving her duet with Michael Buble to "Baby It's Cold Outside". This album is definitely a keeper for the collection.

learning: 
my strong need to rely on God and trust his promises and blessings in the "calm" of life, not just the storms.

listening to:

Abby singing "Frosty the Snowman" in her room where she is trying to fall asleep

wishing: 
my brother lived closer to we could have our annual Elf movie night before Christmas

dreaming of: a white Christmas. Oh c'mon...how could I not finish that sentence that way? So, here's to snow, but not too much that it keeps our family and friends from getting here on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!

Be You, Bravely

At the beginning of September, I had the opportunity to stand before a bunch of women at my church's women's retreat and share truth with them that has transformed my life. I was thrilled for the chance to share with them my own journey and introduce them to The Significant Woman Life Coaching Course. The course leads women through exercises to help us discover and celebrate how God made each one of us uniquely, while whispering truth over the broken places of our hearts. I stood on the first night and shared part of my story, trusting that there were women in the room that needed to hear it because God wrote it with a purpose.

My life had taught me wearing masks was necessary to hide my reality from others. I spent my days building and protecting my reputation. I lived my life to please people, to show people how good I could be and exceed their expectations of me. I would figure out who you wanted me to be and become that, like a chameleon. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to live a perfect life and never fail. I wouldn't let myself break. I found my acceptance and worth in others and was determined to prove to the world that I had it all together.

When I was fifteen, in a life changing moment, I placed my trust in Jesus Christ and became a Christ follower.  I knew there was something radically different in the truth that was shared with me from the Bible in that moment. My eyes were opened to see clearly for the first time. It was different than the years of religion I'd been taught and it compelled me to love and follow Jesus with my whole life. But, because I didn't know any better, I started transferring those same ways of living to my new life with Christ. I figured out what everyone said a good Christian should be and I worked really hard to try to be that. I was trying to prove myself more than ever before and was determined to fit into the cookie cutter idea of a Christian I had developed in my mind. I was committed to living my life for the Lord, but the masks were still my default. I would wear them without even thinking. I hid the imperfections. This time, I thought I had to prove to the world that I had it all together because I knew Jesus. I still wanted to tell people the good parts of the story. Not let them see too much of my grit. I thought somehow that was what brought God the most glory and honor. 

When I dedicated my life to Jesus, I learned that He calls us to live our lives to please Him. I started changing myself to be who I thought I should be to please God AND others. As a result, I lost bits of myself along the way. Without realizing what I was doing, I was letting other people define me, not the God who created me. What I didn't really grasp is that God is already fully pleased with me because of what Jesus did on the cross for me. 

I've learned that a very big part of pleasing God is becoming and understanding the person he created me to be. Not who others think I should be, but who I am. My personality, my interests and passions, where I come from, my preferences are all things God has used to shape me uniquely. I'm learning to embrace my true self, while simultaneously growing closer to the Lord. And it's fun! It's fun to be me and not a version of what I think I'm supposed to be. There is so much  more freedom and fun in following Christ than I ever dreamed AND the only reason I know that is because God has shown me His grace.

I believed that Jesus came so that I could go to Heaven and Jesus came to show me how to live life the right way, but I was missing one of the biggest parts of His story: His grace in my daily life. His grace didn't just buy me a ticket to Heaven. It's what continues to change my life everyday, allowing me to live a more full, more free and joyful life.  As a child of God, my identity isn't in what I can do or who I can make myself, it's in what He has done for me. When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. I'm fully approved and acceptable in God's eyes as His Child. Nothing I can do will make Him love me more or less. I can't earn it any of it. I relearn that in new ways everyday and I will for the rest of my life. 

Etsy shop: artbyerinleigh

He treasures me completely even when He sees all of my junk completely, so I can let brokenness show. I can be real. He shines through my life more brightly when I am. Jesus came so I can fail and be messy. I don't have to wear masks. Actually, God doesn't want me to wear masks. He wants me to be authentic because it's not my job to write my story for everyone else. He started writing my story before I was ever born. My story is a part of His bigger story. He changes and refines the parts of me that need changing, but God also celebrates the uniqueness of who I am and wants to use that for His greater purposes. 

My story matters. My personality is not a mistake. My passions are unique to me. My interests have purpose. The people He's placed in my life are there for a reason.  All of those life circumstances (good and terribly hard) are significant. Because He created me and my worth comes from Him. I'm His masterpiece. 

I'm learning to invite friends over when my house is messy! I'm learning to share the hardest parts of my life and my ugly sin with trusted friends who will walk with me through it and point me to Jesus. I'm learning to be more real with myself, God and others everyday.  I let it sink in that God is enough and that when He sees me...all broken messy me...He sees His treasure! THAT is life changing.  

Do you buy into the lies that you have to "be something different", "be more", "be less", "get it together", "be better", "do more", "not let them see" or "never talk about that part of your past for fear of what others might think"? If so, hear the truth today! God has so much more for you than that. You are His masterpiece.

Because of Jesus.

There is nothing like standing before a room full of women of all ages and backgrounds and helping them see their worth through God's eyes. When we begin to realize how many lies we believe daily about our significance, and take our first steps toward trusting God to write our story, the whole game changes. There's freedom and power in knowing you are called to be who God created YOU to be! Every unique, quirky, complicated bit of who you are is a part of God's greater plan and purpose for your life and His kingdom. When you know that God's love is not something you can earn, that nothing you could do or be could make him love you more or less, you can stop pretending. Let this truth motivate an authentic life that points to Jesus, all imperfections included.  

I watched women cry and connect over cookies as they were given the freedom to take off their masks and just be real. Every bit of it was messy and beautiful.

Could this shirt be any more perfect? I love love love it!  

Check out this shirt and other fun gems at Be Still Clothing Company.

If you've stuck with me to the end of this post, thank you! I had to finish up by sharing this movie clip with you! It illustrates the idea of  "being you" beautifully. 

You're Beautiful!

Goodbye Summer

With less than a week left of summer, I'm getting a little weepy at the thought of it being over already. Our summer days (and nights) have been filled with friends, family, trips to our favorite places, staying up late, fires in the backyard, lots of swimming and ice cream. We have been busy soaking up all the extra hours of sunshine and choosing to play more...enjoy more. The good news is, as a New Yorker, I love all seasons, so I don't grieve long before I'm lining up for a Pumpkin Spice Latte, burning a "Sweater Weather" candle and going apple picking. As I was thinking through my menu for the week, my mind started swirling with some of my summer favorites. Too good not to share. So, before we say goodbye to summer and welcome fall with yummy soups and pumpkin french toast...here's to one last hurrah for summer!

• Creamy Lemonade Pie
• Paprika Grilled Shrimp Quesadillas
• Cheeseburger Salad
• Tomato Cucumber Salad
• Oatmeal Cookie Peach Cobbler
• Chicken Pear Gorgonzola Salad- Grilled chicken, sliced pears, candied pecans and gorgonzola tossed in a bed of greens with balsamic vinegarette.
• Grilled Pesto and Ricotta Pizza
• Grilled Peaches stuffed with Marscapone, Bacon and Arugula (recipe courtesy of Emily) 

         4 peaches, halved
         1 packed cup arugula
         8 oz. marscapone cheese

         1 tbsp black pepper
         8 slices cooked bacon
Pulse bacon, arugula, marscapone cheese and black pepper in a food processor until chunky. Brush peaches with olive oil and lightly salt. Grill cut side for five minutes. Turn over, spoon on filling, close grill and grill for another five minutes.  

• Caprese any and everything! Fresh tomatoes, fresh basil, mozzeralla cheese and balsamic.  Yes please! Caprese salad, Caprese tomato stacks, Caprese Chicken, Caprese burgers...so many options. 

What are your favorite summer go-to recipes?

Real is the New Black

My junior year of college, my dear friend and roommate, Lyndsey, left a card for me on my computer. In it, she assured me that she loved me and that God loved me. She called me out on my striving. She encouraged me to take my masks off...to stop pretending. I don't remember exactly what it said, but I remember exactly how it made me feel. I bristled as I read it. I was defensive and annoyed as I sat it alone in my room. I chalked it up to Lyndsey not really understanding me, when really God was using her to hit the nail on the head. He was gently whispering His words through my friend. I love you. You are approved by me. Stop striving. Find rest. Take your masks off.

By nature, I am a people pleasing, approval seeking perfectionist. I still remember where I was the first time I ever really saw Galatians 1:10. My heart was twisted up with striving and pain. It was senior year of college. Some of my closest friends had turned against me. Though my boyfriend had just proposed to me and it promised to be one of the most exciting times in my life, I was lying in my bed, feeling totally alone and heartbroken because I was rejected...unapproved. I opened my Bible and God's word pierced my heart.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

 In that moment, I understood all at once how my legitimate need for the love, approval and affection of others is too often a substitute for God.

Eight years later, I was in my happy place in Florida. Sunshine, family, swimming and....books! As I read Love Idol by Jennifer Lee Dukes, my spirit was refreshed and my mind was challenged. Basking in the refreshment and peace of vacation, all the noise and busyness of the world stripped away, and I got the message in a new way. For what felt like the first time, my eyes were opened clearly to the heart of a message God has been gently teaching me FOR YEARS.

My life is so much different now, but God hasn't changed. I was floating around the pool as my little girls napped, and once again God met me there. This time, God was using the words of Jennifer Lee Dukes. I realized that these aren't just natural tendencies that needed to change, but for the first time I saw my desire to be loved and approved by others as a deeply ingrained IDOL, something I was devoted to more than God. It wasn't just a people pleasing tendency, but a lack of trust in God and a refusal to see how much He loves me. You see the message never changed, but my ability to handle it did. My readiness to receive it was different this time. I sensed a greater urgency to grasp it at an even deeper level. It was exactly what I needed to hear to take the next step with the Lord and grow closer to Him.

God is so patient with me. He faithfully continues to put the same message before me. Sometimes I'm too stubborn to hear it. Sometimes I'm just not ready to grasp the entirety of it. But, I see it more clearly today than I did yesterday. God continues to give me the grace I need to to see His truth and walk in it. Day by day, situation by situation, I'm learning to focus less on pleasing others and more on pleasing Him. I can rest and be real because I am completely loved, approved and accepted by the only One whose opinion truly matters. Sometimes the process is slow, but God is changing me and leaving His fingerprints all over it. 

There is freedom from the NEED for approval and love from others through a relationship with Jesus. The approval I crave daily is the approval I was given when I placed my trust in Jesus. Because of Christ's death on the cross, I am fully approved, accepted and loved.  My life's purpose isn't to please others. It is to please Him and I will continue to learn how that plays out for the rest of my life!

I always have great intentions of going back through books I've highlighted and underlined and recording the things that struck me, but don't do it as often as I want to. This time I am! My heart resonated so deeply with the author's words. Here are the (LONG) list of quotes that were memorable to me in Love Idol. A record of truth being whispered to me in this season. Maybe it will help you decide whether you want to pick it up or not. If nothing else...some food for thought.

• "Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion"-Brennen Manning

• "In a world of list makers, how can we begin to live only for the Maker's list? In a world that says, 'Climb higher to be noticed,' how can we bow lower?"- pg. 11

• "It would be years before I learned that a woman can scoop up almost everything her little heart desires, while missing out entirely on what her emaciated soul really needs." -p. 17

• "While the goal of the American dream is to make much of us, the goal of the gospel is to make much of God."-David Platt

• "In the grip of the Love Idol, we are also habitually sorry for everything."-p. 22

• "The Love Idol's prey live in fear of failing to meet expectations...We cringe over the threat of disapproval, real or imagined. And we feel as if we continually need to explain away any potential flaw. My life had become a defensive posture against possible criticism." p. 23

• "Why do we always feel empty so soon after reaching some new pinnacle on whatever ladder we're climbing in this life?" - p.27

• "No one in history had more titles than Jesus, or cared less."- Bob Goff

• "We couldn't fully learn until later that our hunger after the American dream could be one way to actually starve." - p. 39

• "Too often in my life, I'd said yes to things I didn't really want to do -- for fear of disappointing someone, for fear of looking like a failure. But sometimes, a woman has to risk her approval rating by saying no." - p.43

• "Whatever your heart clings to and confides in, that is really your God, your functional savior." - Martin Luther

• "You can never run away from your problems in your maddening search for peace. Peace has never been about a place. It has always been about a Person."- p. 53

• Fear camps out right next to whatever it is you're most called to do. That means the closer you get to your calling, the louder fear sounds...Keep going --- fear is the Chihuahua that sounds like a Doberman. - Holley Gerth

• "I dared her to get a B"- p.65

• "She would find that her mother--and the Lord--approve of her simply because she exists, not because she performed flawlessly."-p.69

• "She risked failing for the sheer joy of trying. My own daughter makes me feel brave, makes me realize that I might be able to risk my own approval rating for the sake of fuller living." - p.71

• "Life trains our brains to resist anything that might make us look stupid. But I don't want fear to be the boss of me anymore." - p.71

• "Because the moment we stop fussing over the opinions of others might be the moment we actually start living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom." - p73

• "We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us." - Beth Moore

• "That's the modus operandi of the approval seeking perfectionist: Her dreams are kept secret. That way, if I do try something ridiculously brave--like writing a book--but then fail, no one will know the difference. If I try..." p.77

• "But there is a difference between having Scripture memorized and knowing it "by heart". I want my heart to know, so my heart can really live." - p.78

• "It's true: I'm not yet who I'm made to be, for I am still becoming. But equally true is this: I am not the woman I was." p.91

• "But the man who is not afraid to admit everything he sees to be wrong with himself, and yet recognizes that he may be the object of God's love precisely because of his shortcomings, can begin to be sincere. His sincerity is based on confidence, not in his own illusions about himself, but in the endless, unfailing mercy of God." - Thomas Merton
• ^" How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?"- John 5:44
•   "He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30

• After His grand rescue, the Redeemer does not always seal that hole shut behind us. He does not force us into relationship or bully us into repentance. Instead, He leaves us with a choice: follow Me or fall again. He invites each one of us to "pick up your mat and walk." then Jesus reminds us to "stop sinning" -- in my case, to stop worshipping the Love Idol." p.115

• "The church has done a decent job of welcoming sinners, but it frowns when we don't get better quickly. Or when we fail." p.117

• "Even the most faithful churchgoers hide their faults, which sadly contributes to our approval seeking tendencies. Let's face it: We're all sinners in those pews. But if we're not willing to show our messy sides, why should anyone else?...I suspect that is why churches are filled with approval seeking people pleasers--not only in the pews but in the pulpits. We don't want to admit we struggle, so we keep holding up the facade. Because we can't get over ourselves, and because we can't make peace with ourselves, we try instead to hide ourselves." - p.117

• "And just when I'm getting okay with not being liked, I find out that I'm wildly loved." - p.120

• "There are the times when we visit heaven before we really get there--a sort of scared "trailer" for the movie that's been showing in theaters, for, like, ever. Its proof that what we believe is real--and it's a sign that where we're going is already planted within us." - p.128

• "Heaven speaks to us, whispering the love language of our permanant home into every corner of our temporary one. And I'm learning, and re-learing, to open my eyes to their wonder--to open the shade even when it looks dark outside."-p.128

• "We have told our girls, repeatedly, that trying your best and being The Best are two very different things. We don't expect perfection; we expect only for them to give their full effort. They don't need to earn our love, they already have it." - p.139

• "Real has become our new black." p.143

• "How many people aren't able to fully experience the love of God because they're waiting for proof from a spouse or a friend that they are worthy of love? How many people are living joyless lives of paranoia because they're afraid that the public will see how messed up they really are?" -p.142

• "If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if i can not rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love...then I know nothing of Calvary love."- Amy Carmichael p.144

• "An idol is whatver you look at and say, in your heart of hearts, "if I have that, then I'll feel my life has meaning, then I'll know I have value, then I'll feel significant and secure."- Tim Keller
• ^" But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. " - 1 Corinthians 4:3

• "When you and I no longer rely on the praise or approval for our performance, we find new freedom: We can enjoy affirmation without craving it. Because it has lost it's grip on us." p.149

• "It's my pledge to be obedient, even if it means I might look like a fool. It's my way of telling God and reminding myself--that this life is about God's glory, not mine." - p.182

• The perfectionist's mantra is this: If you can't do it right the first time, don't do it at all. Let your new mantra be this: Do it anyway, even if you fall." p. 189

• "Some of our own sisters are pretending, quite convincingly, that things are "fine, just fine." But they need your hands, squeezing their hands, to let them know that they don't have to pretend anymore."-p.218 (thank you Lynds)
•  "A popular catchphrase has made the rounds through Christian circles: "Be real and authentic." That's what we say--but do we really mean it? Do we make safe places for people to be real in our faith communities? Do you want to see people's 'real'? Wht about when someone's real is mad at God? When their real is ugly? When their real can't stop crying for days, even weeks? When their real is chronic? Do you want people to be real then? If can be hard to be real because we're not convinced that people want to see it. It can be painful to let down the facade in Christian circles. I wish it weren't so, because the Christian people are our people. But it's true. I do wonder, how often have we left fellow Christians with the impression that once they're saved, they ought to get their act otgether and keep it that way?" p.219

• "We tell each other that it's safe to be authentic, but are we making nonthreatening placed for people to be less than perfect?" p.219

• "Any don't pity me on the day I die. For on that day, I will have found the approval I always wanted, and I will know right then, with certainty, that it's the approval I always had." p. 230

Currently

loving: this truth...

 

reading: just started The Garden of Burning Sand by Corban Addison 

blog posts I've been thinking about:

•  What a "Hands Free" Summer Looks Like (the small things: so simple, yet so beautiful)
• Dear Children: Let Me Explain This Thing Called Summer

waiting for: quiet. I'm hoping Ella will stop throwing a tantrum in her crib and fall asleep anytime now. Shhhh....please.....you're tired I promise. 

excited about: being poolside Friday and settling into family vacation at one of my favorite places in the world, quality time with Mama, lots of family time, late night Uno tournaments with my baby brother, our day at Disney, breakfasts by the water, quality time with Jesus in my favorite spot, Ayash coming to visit, just "being"

working on: the last Bible study for the group I've been facilitating on Tuesday mornings. We have been studying The Gospel Centered Life and God has been using it to remind us of the depth of His love and forgiveness for each of us. When that really starts to sink in, or it sinks in new and profound ways, there is so much freedom and rest in our personal relationships with Him. His love continues to transform me in new ways everyday.

using:  

• The Beautiful Mess App (a photo app with lots of fun filters, collage features, fonts, borders, doodles) 

•  The Bible App for Kids (a free interactive and animated Bible experience for kids)

new recipe I'm trying this week: Not sure I got the OK to make it again or often, but I thought it was yummy. Ella and Joe enjoyed it. Abby was very skeptical, but tried it. Overall, I thought it was a great quick (15 minutes) and flavorful (basil pesto, spinach, tuna, parm cheese, gnocchi) dinner option.  Baked Pesto Gnocchi with Tuna 

wearing:  fun orange shorts, a white crocheted tank and a fresh sunburn (oops!)


planning: the girls' airplane bags. The other day when Abby was telling Ella how much fun going on airplanes is I heard her say, "Ella, it's the best. Mommy packs us surprise bags filled with the best things for the airplane....yummy snacks, coloring things, stickers and usually a lollipop. I can't wait!" I love those glimpses when I get to hear how much the little things mean to them.

singing: I seriously can't get these two songs out of my head and it is SO good for my heart. Oceans by Hillsong and I Am by David Crowder 
 

needing: new sandals because our puppy keeps sneaking off to chew all of mine up! Little Oliver has a thing for my pretty size 9 sandals. Note: He does not touch Joe's.

learning: 

• what it means to quit living for the approval of others, while resting in the freedom and joy that comes from remaining anchored in God's love
• what it means to embrace my preferences and truly delight in the good gifts God has given me

enjoying: these summer moments...

wishing: lots of little elves would clean my whole house tonight while I sleep. They can pack for us too! 

questions I'm pondering: 

• What would life look like if I talk to God as much as I talk about Him everyday? 
• How did I forget to put sunscreen on myself today?
• What brings you sheer delight?

dreaming of: giving Mama a big hug on Friday and the poolside breakfast I'm going to enjoy on Saturday morning

 

Summer Reading List 2014

I am a total bookworm. I learned to read when I was four and have been reading ever since. Not just reading really, more like devouring books.  Certain books and book series define entire seasons of my life. When friends were complaining about not being able to read books in college because of all the required reading they had to do, I was still reading books. When the librarian knows your name and probably had your phone number memorized growing up, I think it's safe to wear the bookworm title proudly.

An afternoon in Barnes and Noble is my happy place. Getting a box full of new books in the mail makes my day. Smelling a new book...ahhhh-mazing! Don't knock it before you try it...if you have never sniffed a book, you don't know what you are missing! Books have enriched my life in countless ways. Fiction, nonfiction, different authors and genres. Who am I kidding...give me a newspaper and I'll be happy to read it. Some books are life changing. Some encourage me. Some challenge me. Some are just fun and entertaining. Even when I don't agree with the concepts or dislike characters in a book, it can sharpen my thinking and teach me something new. If nothing else, books reveal layers of humanity in characters and the authors themselves. I just love to read.

I have a running list of books to read at all times. I pull names from best seller lists, friends' recommendations, blogs, the library...I'm always gathering new information about books. My list for the summer might seem long to some, but the looks of a long book list excite me. I'm ready to create a little more space and time to read books in the sunshine or in my hammock. So, what better way to start the summer then to share some of the books that have peaked my interest and made their way onto my list?

• The Nesting Place: It Doesn't Have to Be Perfect to Be Beautiful by Myquilyn Smith 
•  Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval and Seeing Yourself Through God's Eyes by Jennifer Lee Dukes
• The One and Only by Emily Giffin
• Where'd You Go Bernadette? by Maria Semple
• What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty
• Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World by Bob Goff 
• Delicious: A Novel by Ruth Reichl 
• The Garden of Burning Sand by Corban Addison 
• Speak Love: Making Your Words Matter by Annie Downs 
• Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage by Allison Vesterfelt
• Still Alice by Lisa Genova
• Beautiful Outlaw: Experiencing the Playful, Disruptive, Extravagant Personality of Jesus by John Eldredge
• The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight Things You Have to Quit to Change Your Life by Geri Scazzero
  

I might even share my thoughts on some of them as I read them!

What books are you reading this summer?

Phenomenal Woman

My years at Syracuse University were amazing gifts to me. Lifelong friendships. Endless opportunities to learn and grow as a person. Spending my college years at SU was one of the best decisions of my life. It became so normal to attend incredible events, games, concerts or parties any night of the week. Maya Angelou was one of my many favorites.

It was my sophomore year. My good friend, Julie, always knew the exciting stuff happening on campus and would invite me along. So, we grabbed dinner in the dining hall and walked across campus to see Maya Angelou like it was no big deal. My 19 year old self didn't really appreciate it as much as my 29 year old self does now. I'm thankful for the memory.

lifelong friends

When I heard the news of Maya Angelou's death this week,  I remembered that night. She read us her poem "Phenomenal Woman". Can you believe I can still hear her voice reciting it? If I had simply read through the poem myself, it wouldn't have been the same. I can hear the places she paused and the places she added emphasis. It was my first poetry reading and I was captivated. It made me feel so officially college-y. I can't believe that was ten years ago! I remember it like it was yesterday.

"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me..."

- a portion of "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou 

This week, I listened to Maya Angelou reciting the poem again. Thanks to news stories, my Facebook newsfeed and Pinterest, I read through many of her quotes and poems. Once again, I was inspired by some of her words. 

Jesus is love. He is my rescuer.

Birthday Girl

May has been such a full month. Our weekends were filled with trips. Our days were filled with lots of life. Most of it was really good stuff. Some of the busyness was just life timing. Some of it was probably some scheduling overload. I'm thankful for all the special trips, gatherings and celebrations we enjoyed. With that comes an awareness that we need to change our pace and shift our priorities a bit as we head into June and the rest of the summer or we will burn out!

I'm looking forward to a weekend at home. Since my birthday is this Monday, I guess this is officially my birthday weekend. What? Don't you figure out which weekend your birthday is closest to and claim it as your birthday weekend? I've been doing that since I was a little girl. With the exception of celebrating some life moments at a couple of special parties this weekend,  I don't have any plans beyond being in the backyard with my family, playing with the girls, finishing up the garden with my guy, reading a lot (maybe even in the hammock), blogging a bit, unpacking suitcases, reorganizing life and creating lots of space to enjoy, pray and breathe. I'm looking forward to some quality time with the Lord. My soul needs some rest.  I'm sure there's no better way to spend the last days of my 28th year then refocusing my heart on Jesus and finding refreshment there. Everything else is just a sweet overflow.

I can also guarantee you that I'll probably get pretty nostalgic and recount lots of memories in my quiet moments. My favorite birthdays. The best years. The hardest years. The ups and downs of 28. The most transforming moments. My relationships.  My dreams for 29. It's really no secret how sentimental I am, especially when it comes to life milestones. I'm totally the friend who can't stand to only write three sentences in a card when there is a heart full of memories to share. At least having two little girls vying for my attention all day long will keep my mental sap to a minimum!

That being said...I'll leave you with these throwback gems.

with my momma at about age 2

with my daddy (first Christmas)

 Here's to 29! I'm thankful for the gift!

Friday Favorites

Some of my favorite things lately...

1. Have you seen these little colored EOS lip balm eggs everywhere? I've been a Burt's Bees girl for years, so I didn't buy one to try right away. But, my mom brought me one as my "Easter egg" this year and I'm loving it!

2. My latest library read: The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd

3. This book is really challenging and encouraging me as a parent! I'm trying to take my time, but don't want to stop reading it. I'm praying that these biblical concepts would continue to transform our family into one that loves and respects each other well.

Love and Respect in the Family : The Respect Parents Desire; The Love Children Need by Emerson Eggerichs

4. I have the best memories from my childhood of my brother and I playing card games with my Nagymama and Nagypapa after dinner. We would go through seasons. For months, we'd be on Rummy 500 kicks. Other times, we were playing round after round of Uno. Or as my Papa would call it, "You-no". We would laugh and have fun for hours.Another game, we loved was Skip Bo. I think all games, from cards to board games, are a ton of fun, but I also associate sweet family times with those focused hours of playtime. Those are treasured memories for me today. This week, I happened to be walking down the game aisle at Wal-mart and saw this:

I was so so excited that I told Abby we were skipping rest time after lunch and playing cards together. Even though the game says ages 5 and up, Abby caught on right away and thinks it's so much fun! It takes enough skill that it is fun for adults, but is basic enough for a young kid to stay engaged in. Perfect! As much as I love Candy Land...it's not often that I'm up for three more rounds. I was the one who wanted to keep playing Skip Bo. We have played many times since. It's a new family favorite. Here's to more treasured card game memories...

5. Now, this is a big deal! I have been resisting this moment for at least two years. I officially made the switch this week from my paper planner to my Google calender. Joe has been asking me to do it for a while now. I knew it was time. It really has made life so much easier and helps Joe and I communicate about our busy schedules. If I need to make an appointment, I just have to open the calender on my phone and not only do I see mine, but Joe's schedule overlapping right onto mine. Ohhh how this is already helping with miscommunication and over scheduling! I can even make it really colorfully coordinated.

6. I just shared a list of my current kid's book favorites on our family blog. They make good additions to a library visit or to give as a gift to a special kid in your life.  

7. Have you heard about the new movie that's coming out in theaters on May 9th? Mom's Night Out is "an endearing true-to-life comedy that celebrates the beautiful mess called parenting." Everything I've learned about the movie indicates it's a fun, laugh out loud comedy with a powerful message that will help mom's gently connect with God's truth and perspective about motherhood. They share about the heart behind the movie here. It sounds like a great movie to go to with friends, but also a completely family friendly movie that everyone can relate to! It's not just for women. I'm only bummed I won't be able to see it opening weekend. Not sure how long it will be in theaters for, but I'm hoping I have a friend or two who might want to see it the following week? (hint hint friends)

8. Need an idea for dinner tonight? Pasta Milano is a favorite I discovered a couple of years ago. It's what I'm making for dinner tonight. This Macaroni Grill Copycat recipe also makes a great freezer meal. I like to double it and freeze one for later. It's a restaurant quality pasta dish. A great meal to share.

9. Then, I found this. The glitter band. Could there be a more perfect accessory to remind me to embrace grace and glitter? My good friend, Ashley, and I made them our BFF bracelets excited they would remind us to embrace Jesus and His work in our lives daily. Embracing grace and glitter! I love it!

etsy shop: kaitlinkendalldesign

10. Running is not my favorite thing, but the idea of getting over it and accomplishing something like a 5k has been a goal of mine for a while. I'm not looking to become a marathon runner, because I've learned to EMBRACE the fact that I just don't love to run. In college, my friend, Julie, would get so excited when she decided it was a perfect day for a run. I would watch her in amazement (and confusion) as she would return from a six mile run through the rain (no big deal) totally energized and feeling good. For a while, I thought I just needed to train myself to love running that much. While training would definitely help to some degree, I've learned that the look on Julie's face after a really good run is the same look on my face after a really good (insert intense aerobic dance class here). Zumba, please! So, I've become ok and learned to embrace the fact that I don't love running as much as other forms of exercise. BUT, there is something to be said about getting over my mental barriers and running for longer than three minutes. I might not be interested in running for recreational purposes, but to overcome my own personal roadblocks....yes!

I've always said if you want me to sign up for a 5k, your best chance is a color run because let's face it...the run has to have some fun incentives (like making me all colorful) for me to be excited about it! Long story short, my dear friend Heather, eliminated any chance I had of making any more excuses by surprising me with early birthday gift. She signed me up to run the Color Me Rad race with her in October.  The website says...Color Me Rad: Your excuse to let loose. So, here goes...no excuses...I'm preparing to let loose! And so excited to get geared up with friends and RUN a 5k together. Thankful for sweet friends who know me well!

The Raindrops

What if God IS answering our prayers, just not the way we think He should? What if we are looking for God's mercy in the wrong places? What if our greatest disappointments or the aching of this life are revealing to us a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? What if the rain, the storm, the hardest nights are His mercies in disguise?

Laura Story's song, "Blessings" is such a sweet reminder to me of God's presence and mercy in the midst of life's challenges. Take a minute and listen to it here.

These are the lyrics:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Lord, you are good. Please help us to see!

Spring Eats

One of my favorite things about the seasons are the foods that I associate with them. Spring has finally arrived, so my weekly menus have officially started changing! Lemon, asparagus, coconut and greens are just a few of my favorite spring flavors. Anything that seems light and fresh!

Last weekend, Aunt Cyncy came for a visit and I made her a birthday meal incorporating all of them!  I've made this meal many times and it's one that's worth sharing. This was a new Martha Stewart Dessert recipe, but I have added it to my collection to make again soon. Delicious! It was the perfect meal to kick off spring well! 

Check out the recipes by clicking on the links below. 

Orange Balsamic Chicken (I use chicken breasts when I make it)

Lemon Risotto (I leave out the mint leaves)

Roasted Asparagus (tossed with extra virgin olive oil and s&p and roasted at 400 degrees for 10-15 minutes)

Coconut Crunch Cake   (Despite what it says, the recipe did not take as long as it says to make!)


What are your Spring favorites?

As Long As I Have Breath

I didn't always know God. I knew things about God, but didn't know Him. And to be honest, I didn't always know there was a difference.

As a little girl, I remember lying in bed wondering if God saw me or if he heard my prayers. When I was by myself, my mind would race with questions. Does God have a plan for me?  Does He see that I am afraid? Does He care? Does He see that I'm sad? Does He have all the answers?  I wondered if he liked to hear me talk as much as I enjoyed talking! As a family, we didn't go to church much. I learned bits and pieces about God, but it wasn't something that was emphasized. My desire to know God wasn't something I was taught. I believe God began drawing me to himself as a little girl.

He placed people in my life to show me His love and care for me. He gave me family and friends who taught me and encouraged me along the way, but looking back over my life I can see the ways He whispered to my heart in my most quiet moments. He put the spark there for me to receive the things He wanted me to learn. It was always between me and Him. He didn't just want me to know about Him. He wanted me to know Him and have a personal relationship with Him. He was the only one who could open my eyes to see.

three year old me.

 As young as four, I would talk to God as I fell asleep each night.

When I was seven, I remember being in my room alone and listening to a tape of Bible songs over and over again. I don't know where it came from, but I loved dancing and memorizing all the words. Now, I can see how my mind was being filled with God's truth and I didn't even know it.

At ten, I remember thinking that God must be our only hope. Somehow I knew he was bigger than what was going on in my life.  I wouldn't fall asleep without diligently sharing all of my biggest concerns with him.

My 10 year old birthday party. Check out those glasses! :)

Eleven, I remember being at my best friend's house for a sleepover. I was so concerned that God wouldn't be able to hear my prayers if I didn't say them out loud. The fear in that moment was so real, that I asked my friend, Catherine, if she thought God would hear me if I said the prayers in my head. She assured me he could hear me even if I never said a word of it out loud. I sensed such a deep need then to be connected to Him.

One night when I was twelve, I remember not being able to fall asleep because I was gripped with fear about what would happen to me when I died. My mom came in and did her best to comfort me, but the answer didn't really come that night.  I believe God was stirring my heart for the answers that only His truth can satisfy. I eventually got to sleep, but not before crying out to God for some peace. I asked Him for answers.

When I was fifteen, one of my closest friends invited me to a church youth group she had been visiting. Without knowing what to expect, I was eager to check it out. I made new friends quickly and loved spending Thursday nights with them. At first, I thought I was just like them. I loved God. I had talked to Him my whole life. I wanted to be there. You see, the pastor shared often about Jesus. But one night, I heard him LOUD AND CLEAR. While I knew that Jesus had died on the cross for our sins, I saw for the first time that Jesus died on the cross for my sin and that I needed a savior. I realized that putting my complete trust in Jesus was the only way to know God. It was the answer I had been waiting for. The only way to have the personal, intimate relationship with God that I had been longing for my whole life was to recognize my own sin and my need for Jesus to forgive me.

Up until that point, I didn't think I was that bad. Though I had been aware of and sensitive to God for as long as I can remember, I was content doing my own thing. I would still call out to God in my time of need, but was going my own way with the wrong priorities. I was trying to be a good person, but my life was defined by trying to please and impress people.  For the first time that night, I saw the difference between knowing about God and truly knowing Him. He had been whispering to my heart for years and that night I responded with my whole life.

I agreed with God that I am sinful and I didn't want to live that way anymore. I trusted that God would forgive my sins completely because Jesus died for me. And I chose to follow Jesus and put Him first in my life. In that moment, my life changed forever.

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when this verse popped up.

(Check out the Between You and Me Signs Etsy shop)

As I read it my breath literally caught in my chest and my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude. In that moment, I was reminded of the many "God moments" I just wrote about. I thought of how my story began. Humbled by the many times I cried out to Jesus and He faithfully bent down to listen.  How patiently He drew me to himself when I knew no better and desperately needed a rescuer. Oh God, I will pray to You as long as I have breath.

Then, I looked up the verse in my own Bible. The NIV said this:
 

God turned his ear to me before I even truly knew WHO I was praying to. With so much grace and mercy, Jesus rescued me. I will call on Him as long as I live!

I love Him, because He first loved me. 

Where do you see God's fingerprints on your life?